Totally saw a hot amputee. I think this is called character growth.
I could be a Disney star with the amount of nude photos of mine that get leaked.
separated laundry into 'got laid' and 'didn't get laid' piles.
He thinks that since we have been dating six months, that he can do the helicopter with his penis. Not okay.
Just curious... Do you still have the cocks bracelet? You know, the one we pass around to whoevers been the biggest slut recently?
It's like my ice maker knows when I wanna get drunk
I would be the drunk girl eating cake on the front steps alone.
when someone at the bar asked you a question all you knew how to say was "chug-a-lug"
apparently i tried to facetime the drunk bus last night, that's probably why we had to walk back to campus
Drunk ass.
I'm pretty sure your ex of four years just had a baby with some kid and named it after you...
Well. At least he's a gentleman. A gentleman satanist.
his penis was like the majestic horn of a unicorn and I came like a million trumpeting rainbows.
PS I almost downloaded grindr to see if any guys wanted to buy me chinese food..
Facebook is for cat videos and having better lives than people from high school, period.
I think I should've done my makeup before I took the acid. Because now I just feel silly looking at myself in the mirror
Randomize
