if I'm ever single again, I swear to god I'm going to have 87 venerial diseases
His apartment number was 69. I had to.
just wrote a 6 page paper on my blackberry. including 3 sources. college is teaching me good things so far.
I just walked into my exam wearing a mans tshirt and Alex's size 13 crocs twenty min late carrying only a pencil and my heels...I'm not real
i climbed out of the bath tub this morning and found him taped to the treadmill
The bartender from Thursday remembered me... And gave me a FLAMING BUCKET of alcohol.
your like the ambassador to my penis.
She still cant shoot whiskey?
Im having serious doubts about this relationship
So last night I learned something new. Whenever I drink beer out of a bottle a random guy buys me another one. It was like as soon as the glass hit my lips every guy in a 20ft radius got a hard on.
being a senior sucks, I just started embracing my inner slutty college girl, and it's almost time to put her away...for like, ever. and i really like her.
Well we're either getting a bunny or I'm getting you pregnant in about 12 days.
In the 2nd smartest move of my day your ringtone for when you call is now the Space Jam theme.
Have I showed you the picture of my vagina with a little bang flag coming out of it?
I take Paypal, cash, sexual favors, and roasted red potatoes with garlic as payment. You choose.
How do you know i dont look like i got attacked by a weedwacker on bath salts?
Randomize
