I just saw how many times I called you last night. You're welcome.
That can be our thanksgiving, vodka and cornbread. Just like the pilgrims.
Dude, can't find my socks anywhere....
Yeah, you took a shit in the harbor off a wall, used them to wipe. I'm sure they're still on the beach somewhere if you really want them back
Fuckers are stealing our internet and making my porn stream slowly so I changed the password for VanceRefrigeration to RyansaCunt. No spaces but capitalization.
I'm going to get like 25 drinks at their wedding and just leave them sitting around or give them to hobos.
She introduced me as that girl Nathan was fingering
My roomate has me out looking for easter kegs hidden arround town
I fell on my face, puked, and had to be rocked to sleep in a hammock. I'd say Europe is a success
Is the mullet a good, great, or horrible idea before we leave for college
I woke up to my roommate checking my pulse
Remember that time we turned a can of Axe body spray into a flame thrower?
You know your horny when you have a sex dream about Ace Ventura, if your wondering he's awful
IM BACK TOGETHER WITH MY BF AND HERE YOU ARE SUCKING DICK FROM 2009
I have a whole new respect for her. She chugged half a bottle of jack daniels, and then peed all over his wall. Serves him right.
Stopping for a booty call on the way to a lunch date... Bad form?
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