Say "Steve Buscemi is hot." with a straight face.
I'm high, and her 2,100 tagged pictures annoy me even MORE. I wish it had a google searchbar so I could type in "cleavage pics" to get to the point.
idk if ive ever seen a picture of him on facebook with his pants on
she gave me a handjob in the middle of the night and my stomach growled so she walked out totally naked and came back 5 minutes later with two sandwiches. who the fuck says getting married is awful?
I distinctly recall there being a "I can't be dead 2maro" stipulation to going out last night. There's been a breech of contract
i think i left a case of beer in your dryer
I have Retrograde Ejaculation as a side effect from one of my meds. Is this a respectable form of birth control?
You crawled everywhere and rolled in ice cream. No more vodka for a month.
Let's not refer to him as Dustin. That makes him seek like a real person, not just a dick I would like to experience.
want to know what my life has come to? I just took a 45 min shower banging on the walls and making loud sex noises so my neighbors think I get some.
So we were in bed when his brother walks in, walks over to me, fist bumps me and says he just wanted to say hi, then leaves...so random lmao
I may quit my job to go be a costumed Jedi at Disneyland.
I'm pretty sure my roommate is moving out because her cat likes me better
I once went to target high on hydrocodone. I assure you, they can handle unrespectable.
It's done, I'm done, goodbye veneer of class and dignity it was nice knowing you
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