my bed looks and feels like i need to buy plan b.
I think that i just found proof that harry and ginny had sex
You kept telling the cops that our ice luge was practice for the next winter olympics
From now on I forbid you to refer to it as a "bed". From now on you must only use the phrase "sex wagon".
I'm sitting in Starbucks, waiting for direction in my life, or it to be 8 p.m. Whatever comes first.
apparently my new 420 ritual is to look at the clock at 4:20 and realize i'm already too high
We need a full length mirror. I just ate it trying to look at my shoes on the toilet. But aside from a arm bruise I'm good to go
Super awkward when the coworker you made out with in exchange for molly last weekend keeps coming over to your cube and trying to talk to you
I feel like it went downhill once I decided we should take $100 tequila shots.. oops lol
Went to work in the same clothes from last night, completely covered in glitter...I didn't choose the hag life, the hag life chose me
You want to know how I feel? I feel like Cady Heron pushed me in front of a bus last night.
I was giving him a blowjob but we had to stop because he started crying when his cat walked in and started staring at us
There is a cooked ham in the washing machine.
I must stop trying to make out with my friends when I'm hammered.
I forgot to respond before, I was apologizing for confusing sex with secret Santa.
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