mark tries to be a total badass to make up for the fact that he's a poor man's pete wentz
I am sleeping on the floor in your room so if you have sex in here just don't roll on me
hows a nice way to say "yeah i would go to your dorm, but it's snowing and I know you're not going to blow me, so what's the point"?
He just said he wasn't going to drink on Saturday because he was drinking on Thursday and Friday...we need new friends.
The fire breather is here so I may get my second wind.
He like walks around to open car doors for me. Has already held my hair while I barf and still likes me. What. Is. Happening.
You went streaking and came back with your shirt inside out. Then said "it happens in the line of duty" and passed out.
Hahaha I don't remember taking it away. But no one should have a sledgehammer at a party. NO ONE.
Not sure how ur night is going, but unless u also saw a naked drunk chick pissing outside i doubt it can top mine
What am I doing with my life
Sleeping with dudes who have peacocks apparently.
I just set a reminder on my phone to get star spangled hammered this weekend.
He just pulled out my weave during sex....needless to say I'm embarrassed and in need of another shot pronto
40s are totally the cure
So his shoes are still here. And there are three contacts in a case. And a shirt on the bed. I've checked my dorm and he's not here. I'm so confused.
Swear to god, somebody just drove by with mickey mouse in their passenger seat and he waved at me.
Randomize
