Slept with that guy from the bar last night. Only got 2 1/2 hours of sleep. Eyes were so bloodshot this morning that the principal sent me home b/c she thought I had pink eye. God I love teaching elementary school...
totally just realized while washing my face that Cetaphil looks like semen.
I wish they made portable blow up dolls for girls.
It's called a dildo, genius. Go to sleep.
Where's the Hot Mess Express headed tonight?
I hope that's not the new nickname for my friends and me.
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Thanks for the birthday present, i had so much fun playing with it
Are you talking about my vagina?
She was so wet my fingers were literally pruney when I got done with her
We are two peas in an std pod
No, trust me. Falling down the stairs is a fucking sobering experience.
So apparently someone caught him as he was falling. And carried him around the rest of the night.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
And I'm bringing my coffee cup of wine.
I found where he bartends and I guarantee you that in approximately nine months from this Friday, you will have a niece
I may be asexual, but I owe you a solid from yesterday. I am a man of my word.
Your dick is the only reason I have motivation to come back to school today
Woke up to find that I was cock blocked by no more than three people.
Its pretty bad when you can tell twins apart by the size of their penises...
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