First, he can't make me cum.. And now, he can't get it up because he LOVES me?!!??! i don't think so.
You act like I was drinking alone...I had the entire Verizon network with me
I thought it couldn't get worse until she said "Nipple hair"
I love taking my adderall while im in class! As soon as I take the pill out everyone around me just stares in envy!
I just negotiated a blow job for an interview.
I'm sorry I dragged a dildo (on a leash) into your room last night.
he ate me out on his front porch at dawn. i orgasmed when the sun began to rise. most romantic morning booty call ever.
I found his Linkedin the day after he created it. Too stalkerish or just right?
I'm about to punish you for sending me a Snapchat of your boyfriend's morning wood
Last thing I remember was a hand in the pants. Then I woke up next to a full beer and a McDouble, which I promptly had for breakfast.
He may be engaged to someone else, but god damn that was the best 3 hours I've ever spent naked with someone.
Well at least I will forever be known as the girl he ate out on the lifeguard stand while people walked by. On the first date.
so an orgy is about to happen in the next room if you wondered where i am currently at in life
I'm starting to notice a direct correlation between blackouts and broken bones...
I want to meet people. Preferably ones with penises
Randomize
