I would do things to you that would get us burned at the stake if we lived in a puritan village.
you were making out, puked over his shoulder and insisted everything was okay
if you really think there are plastic pots safe for the stove i fear for your future landlords.
He's trying to row the canoe up my front yard like he is Lewis and Clark.
Before I left he asked me if I could submit my panties for the frat house undergarment chandelier. I said yes
if I open my eyes, my head will explode. that hungover.
I just realized that the thing that smelled like an electrical fire in my house was me.
You both ran and jumped into the tub yelling Jamaican bobsled team
I can't tell if I have the Pizza Hut shits or beer shits
The horniest man in the world doesn't want sex as bad as I want pizza right now.
Drove by a guy getting road head, midday on O Street. That could be us, but you won't let me in your pants when you drive.
it was one of those unspoken contracts of silence like "I teach your daughter and you work at a strip club"...I don't tell if you don't
Getting robbed by hookers is def a right of passage in a mans life
I'm pretty sure the guy who was grinding on me while I was trying to get a drink at he bar was one of my tinder matches
Some girls wake up to good morning texts. I wake up to pictures of an angry Shrek getting a blowjob.
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