Why did I cab home last night?
Because you said you were drunk, sad, and someone called you a hooker.
im drinking this country out of the recession.
I assume you are not resopnding because you are having sex thus i give you a text message high five
just woke up to a 10 min voicemail of you singing "99 red ballons".... you need to work on your german..
Thanksgiving break drinking is a marathon, not a sprint, and i need to be well rested
i'm calling it girls night to make myself feel better but lets be real.....i wasn't going to get any guys tonight regardless
I woke up naked, with the lights on, using my backpack as a pillow and a pillow as a blanket.
Taking Gomer to the ER. He tore something trying to stretch his nutsack enough to put his balls in his own ass. I need new friends.
State dependent memory. I just needed to feel my teeth. It was like a fog was lifted.
Wanna know what sucks. Banging the bosses daughter at work and having the boss walk in while you are fucking on his desk. Good day though. Made 6 sales
dropping lines from Workaholics has slowly become my icebreaker when hitting on girls. who would have thought "lets get weird" would cause girls to actually get weird
I went to Christian school in the 90s. I can finger blast anything, but dignity.
Haha idk you were stealing pizza dough at dominos
Lol woke up with mangoes in bed with me
I think I broke my dick but 10/10 would definitely do it again.
Randomize
