I woke up at 11 this morning in my car parked in front of the bar.
I know, I tried to wake you up, but I couldnt. So I walked home
let me know it goes. try not to get bit. and if you can, get someone to videotape it.
Dude. Muppets take manhattan on netflix instant. Pass my midterm or relive my childhood? Tough decision.
Is it a bad thing I remember to take my birth control when I stumble across guys I've had sex with on facebook?
he's wearing our apron and eating a pb and oreo sandwich. and calling the oreos "topless" since he took their tops off...
I just had to tell her that no she really doesnt need to sneak pizza from mcmurrays out in a plastic bag for me later
You realize at the bar last night we blew on imaginary whistles like rose from titanic right?
stop bragging. last time i got laid i got double pink eye, and it was so not worth it
just made one giant jello shot... if i have to study on a saturday night, i'm gonna do it as drunk as possible
I just found the gloves and lightbulb I stole. Did you pee on a ATM inside a bank?
Just whatever you do, don't neglect the balls.
He saved that picture of my boobs for good luck romance still exists
I did cocaine with my cab driver all night. It was the best date.
I felt like I was selling my soul to satan but then I realized I already pawned it for drug money
Going on a first date tonight...pros: my boobs look amazing. Cons: my abortion isn't until next week.
Randomize
