I am spending my child support on dildos
I was just like staring at the lawn boy while singing "You Belong With Me".
I am the king of creep.
I wish I had a dollar for every time I've slept off a late night I dont want to remember in my recliner.
She was wearing a "Got Beer" hat and your bed had necco wafers all over it the next morning. Another story for the grandkids.
Someone played tic tac toe on my abs?
By the end of the night i was making legitimate noises not just saying moo.
Why can't I live in a world where my only 2 options are rum bikini hot tub party or masturbating?
I'm also sorry that I ate your chicken sandwich while you were throwing up....
My brother just text me asking if I was ready for the blowjob of my life.
You're officially the most high maintenance man I've ever had inside me.
I bought the restaurant a boat airhorn to wake up sleeping employees.
I love you
he kissed both of us goodnight when we dropped him off...I didn't know if I was more offended or impressed
I stole the butter cup cuz i brought home my rolls and chicken and didnt want the butter everywhere. I miss your body because its amazing.
Dude. why do I feel like I am cheating on you every time I do shrooms?
I just thought that if your brother was ever going to invite me over again, he probably shouldn't catch me fucking you in his bathroom.
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