Why do you proceed to call me "Queen La Queefah?"
just gave a homeless man a kiss in exchange for two handles
exact location. now.
So some guy at the party is convinced I'm Edward Cullen. He keeps calling me "Twilight" and following me around with a stake. I'm concerned.
They want me to get them some X for there wedding present. I'm on the way to get it now
Ok, Jen and I are going out tonight and getting rowdy. I think you and Steph need to come. I understand if you can't, but not going out means you're automatically obligated to post bail. If necessary.
What has two arms, one testicle and no credit card debt? This guy.
Given everything we have talked about, is it wrong to ask you to be faithful to me, despite still dating him?
Somebody really needs to come home and pick up the used condom from the middle of the wood room floor. It's blue, if that helps decide who comes - uh, home.
The cleaning lady has a form she makes me sign every time she finds me passed out in my office so she can keep track of how much to charge me each month for keeping quiet about it.
Stop calling dibs on everything with a vagina you jackass.
That should be the title of my autobiography.
No more chicken and waffles served by drag queens at 2 AM. :(
No,she came up with a new game: "Where is the most interesting place I can show Drew my asshole?"
Going overboard is basically 75% of my personality
I'm a gorgeous hot mess
We probably are going to die. So. Thanks for agreeing to be my Maid of Honor even though I torture you.
I wish I could be the kind of drunk Bobbi is... She stumbles around outside at 4am with a broken high heel and babbling about rainbows and getting dick...
Randomize
