funny how all you have to say is "i'm infertile" and boys are stoked on you
Nope it's him. He's whispering to himself and buying asparagus.
i chugged some hot sauce before i gave him head. i think a burning penis is a great way to say fuck you
Oh and probably wearing a life jacket instead of clothes didn't help things either
Do you think she will like "you don't have to swallow this time" gift certificates for Xmas?
Not sure I just ate a really big pot brownie, I feel like my future is uncertain
My cab driver has a hooker in the front seat. Really, this is serious. And weird.
ahhhh just came to creep and you're not there AND your thong you were wearing last night is on the floor..someone has some explaining to do
I fucked my cousin and caught chlamydia this year. I can't really harbour any illusions about myself anymore.
So now I'm lying here in bed taking notes from Teen Mom... I fucked up
I am drinking fireball and apple juice out of a sippy cup like a fucking toddler.
My phone autocorrected "shhhhh" to "AHHHHHHHHH" and I feel like that says a lot about my life
Talked to the dude for a hour . I now know where he lives, his occupation, his goals, his dreams and what his dick looks like.
I told my mom Jesus would want me to snort drugs on his birthday
You were filing your nipples with a nail file to "make them sharper"
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