when a 14 year old is judging you, you know you've had too much to drink
I just remember telling jokes while vomitting
I need you to send me a picture of your dick. I want to forward it to that girl and you and i both know you're more impressively sized
did you by any chance leave me that 7 minute long voicemail of you running and constantly tripping into bushes?
Find out what day classes start and I will come down to Richmond that weekend. Any broad who claims to be 18-21 will be promptly ID'd. My job has trained me to spot a fake from a mile away, and I don't need a statutory rape charge.
Anal and Aoki tickets...I'd say I give pretty good Valentines Day gifts.
I can't. I think his penis is about to take out a restraining order against me.
I rolled over and my thoughts became words and I said "oh fuck not you again" he didn't think that was too kind and asked me to leave
wait did i hook up with someone in mcdonalds last night?
I asked him to change the channel. There was no way I could do reverse cowgirl with golf on.
Seriously, though. As long as it's attached to you and is not a vagina, I will not be disappointed.
I am 95% sure I just heard my cat say "What are you doing home? It's Saturday night."
I told the border patrol officer she was smuggling drugs in her ass. I doubt she cheats on me again.
seriously i don't trust him. he fed me a hot dog out of a crock pot and gave me moonshine dashed jager bombs.
Heels with jeans turned Casual Friday into Casual Sex With My Boss Friday
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