So I went home with some chick last night... I'm not sue what's worse: not getting a nut at 5am, the condom breaking and not being replaced, feeling poo when I put my finger in her but, sleeping on a heroin mattress in her living room, her swine flu coughing fit at 7am or realizing she peed the matt at 10am. Actually it was probably the fact that she continuously told me she was the classiest girl in boulder.
come over. we are watching hoarders and playing i spy.
Just bought two budlight beers with a can of tuna at the bar
Oh I also wanted to thank you for leaving your list of porn sites on the coffee table. Very entertaining.
She wants an explanation of my cousins creepy foot fetish with my god sister. i don't know how I can sum this up in a text.
Drunk walkin through police station. America
Currently smoking a blunt with my one night stand's mom. I don't know how I should feel about this.
Only thing worse than going to work with a hangover is going to work with a hangover then realizing that u don't have to work that day
your house isnt even gonna be on google maps after this party
She kept calling herself DJ McDonalds and said she wanted to make some Egg McMusic.
Just used an eyelash curler to open my beer since I didn't have a bottle opener. Things are starting to look up.
Tell me why I woke up outside of our hotel room Wearing a cowboy hat and boots in Las Vegas.
To celebrate the holidays this evening, I will be replying “FUCK YOU” to all my spam emails. Can’t tell you how excited I am
You're even getting laid in my dreams, god I'm a good wingman
Pooping in a box is not fun. You're not a cat.
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