I walked in on him shirtless licking the mirror while talking to his reflection. So yes, I definitely want to do shrooms the next time you get them.
We need to talk about our relationship.
I just won a bet involving 10 tequila shots. You've got about 3 minutes
She finally woke up and said, "Me- nothing, potato peeler- 1." And rolled back over.
there's no food at this bar, but i'm pretty sure vodka is made of wheat so i'm basically drinking bread.
Trying to figure out if I'm the second dude she hooked up with yesterday. I feel like a consolation prize
I just remembered our "im drunk enough to look at your vagina" conversation. Is that offer still valid? I really think I need a second opinion
Yeah he's still asleep. I washed the blender out. He tried to make a ham-shake. Lets wait until after break to have that talk. I kind of want to see where this goes.
He only talks to me during the summer and it's probably because I let him fuck me in my pool last year.
I told him I had AIDS after he bit me. His dad cried. I think I just ruined the little guy's 3rd birthday, but he had in coming.
No, the responsible one does not yell out "lets go to iHop" at 5 in the morning to a bunch of drunk people with munchies.
Easter was a success. We had an egg hunt and hid weed and conforms inside them. Cooked a ham, made some jello, got wasted. THIS is adulthood?!
You are an awesome peach made of glitter.
And with one simple text you can separate the men from the boys...."it's that time of the month."
totally just bought a bottle of gin with nothing but change
don't ever let anyone tell you that youre not 100% class
But then our conversations are like black box recordings. Just the stuff you hear when the plane is going down
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