I'm eating oreos and watching porn. This is your fault.
If I were a hot girl. I'd whore around, I'd be awesome.
i swear to god her finding her clit was like looking for a sock in a dryer full of beach towels
I swallowed for you. Answer the phone.
You crossed every boundary on the boundary spectrum last night. You're like the illegal immigrant of drunk actions. No more holiday drinking for you.
ill give you food and tequilla and penis and joy
I was just laughing and almost crying after I orgasmed, and then almost crying because I was laughing so hard. That's new.
Does he think you're psycho?
Officially...... yes.
Want to run by the liquor store later? Tequila Youn should really be in attendance at Party Mountain. No one else could be our spirit animal.
well that's the third time this semester that I've projectile vomited walking to class in front of dozens of people
WHY IS THE HAIRSPRAY SOUNDTRACK PLAYING IN THE LIQUOR STORE
Everclear isn't food dammit
That awkward moment when your drug dealer pulls your boss out of the snow
I literally am filling up a victoria's secret bag with stuff that would give my parents a heart attack to hide in my roommates' room. This is being an adult when parents visit
if anyone asks you the platypus in my bathtub is a gift...thats all anyone needs to know
Fursuit judi Dench just stared directly at me for 3 solid minutes telling me that cats arent dogs and i believe her because if i dont cat jason derulo might try to have sex with me
Randomize
