I'm at some bar in brklyn... just made out with a guy named Owen.
He is a pre-school teacher... just sang me a song about weather.
I can't believe believe she called me a slut. She doesn't know anything about me or my life.
Shit, that's something a lot of sluts say.
it was worse than that time i tried giving evan head 4 days post nose job.
Milquetoast, coolest word ever.
Im sure that doesnt mean its ruined... It was your bithday you get a free "im drunk at 7 am" card
i saw his dick when we were four, so thats kind of ruined for me now
My Grampa even called her out for being a cock block at the bar...it was that serious
He's drinking red wine in a margarita glass. He couldn't be more perfect for me.
2 rounds of irish car bombs have already been taken to your 5 year sober anniversary
It's the only time I've ever felt manly shitting myself
theres pictures of him knuckle deep in her, both of them thumbs up and cheesin. someone should take her kid away
You ghosted you're own booty call. Wow what a sad sad man.
Yes be both agreed it was the worst sex in the history of fornication, so I asked him to sign the condom wrapper so I could frame it as a reminder to NEVER sleep with him again
Today will be the day I throw up in my backpack in the middle of class
I might be getting fired on this week so the only option i see for tonight is to get smashed and have an orgy. actually this idea might explain why i'm not an ideal employee.
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