An ex-gang member just asked me out on a date via note. And spelled dinner wrong. Win?
Just lost my virginity while listening to rick astley. torn between horror and jubilation
I am now the proud owner of a 10-12 year old's Optimus Prime costume from Walmart. Tomorrow is going to be a good day.
she sang that "this little piggy song" to my balls. and somehow made it work, with me only having two balls instead of five.
guess who has a date tonight
look at you growing up, going on dates before she hops into bed
My mom seriously just told me my insurance company pays for rehab. In an email. I expect a real, not just us joking, intervention coming on. I'm not accepting a "lunch date" with that bitch.
He told me he was 'pondering the natural wonder that is my ass'
Like, dude. I'm already fucking you, you don't need to wax poetic.
Isn't he wasted enough that he might actually mean it and not just be trying to get you to fuck him without a condom?
I swear I only do things like fuck 19 yr olds just to hear how you laugh when I tell you.
Hes still mad that I left the room mid-hookup to go get a pickle from the fridge.
i wish i coudl send you meat via computure
I can only send "I want your dick" texts to so many guys before I accidentally over-book myself. I need a day planner.
I love getting kicked out of places. Its like winning a little league game
I'm sending lingerie pics that I took yesterday. I fully prepared for this holiday
You can't just snapchat me a picture of a pregnancy test and then not answer your phone
He played Harry Potter Fan Fiction videos to get me in the mood. He might be the one.
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