The 3 of us think it's time to start drinking.
3?
Me, myself and I
told my boyfriend i was a virgin so he wouldnt feel bad since he is. now hes asking why his dick is so itchy. should i tell him why?
i don't see why you should, it's not like you told the other guys with the itchy dicks.
First night in the new apartment. There are 12 people here i don't know, Tequila, and a crying girl locked in our bathroom. I think the apartment christening is complete.
bottle of wine in one hand cigar in the other. 5 am. topless on our fire escape. and she cleaned our bathroom... i like his new girlfriend.
Yup, totally tried cooking bacon in the dryer last night.
She's an honest to god fucking ballerina. She did things I don't have names for.
Like there's an 87% chance I'll end up on the bedroom floor demanding sex while freestyling in your face. I'm going to buy rum.
What is a foreign vacation of stupidity without some fake names?
being sober in physics class makes me realize the regularity with which i show up to it still drunk
Last night I was this close to hooking up with someone called "Handjob Pat" dubbed for the time he paid $150 for a handjob in Canada.
You have ruined sex with him for me. Now all I think is "boy scout" and I want to go home
he would snap chat his dick as like Harry Potter
They had like literally all the dildos. It looked like a seance for dick. I left the apartment and haven't been back.
He told me that losing me was the biggest mistake of his life. Of course it was. My tits are incredible and I know more about college football than he does.
Yes I went home with her last night. I woke up this morning and ran into my boss on the way to the bathroom. Monday is going to suck at work.
Randomize
