so i realized that everyone figured out i was a slut before i did. then i realized that no one felt like telling me. sometimes i think you just keep me around for entertainment.
you're right.
I'm getting drunk watching the disney channel. Is this a main reason why we aren't together anymore?
There are no words to adequately express my gratitude for sending me porn you found staring a former classmate.
Just chased ups truck with a half wiped ass for you. You're making dinner tonight
she had no gag reflex. and is an abercrombie model. i love college.
I just found him singing into an empty paper towel roll while microwaving an empty ice cream carton. I'm gonna run away now.
A beer is a heart your wish makes!!!
I was so stoned last night I got into an argument with your voicemail message.
A dude just looked at me like my drunk swaying was corrupting his progeny DUDE YOUR KID HAS A MULLET YOU'VE ALREADY RUINED HIM
Nautical themed porn is also great bc someone usually wears a captains hat
She said she was hoping I'd be hotter. I told her I didn't see anybody standing in line to titty fuck her either. She was a great kisser.
I just wanted a bootycall and now somehow I'm at his parents playing dominoes. But they have tequila so it's cool
dont you DARE use my tequila influenced words against me
Dude how about today while I was on lunch someone died in the break room at work....I didn't even know we had a break room!!
I woke up to pee last night, got out of bed and proceeded to stand there because I had no idea where I was. Then, I heard my sexy as fuck personal trainers voice. Well-played blacked out me.
Randomize
