I just threw up on my dentist
kindergarten is hard when you're hung over.
First time i ever had an awkward silence during sex.
i am exhausted. it's been years. we both know his dick is small. the jig is up.
Its ok we found him,,, He is in the bathroom trying to write his life story on a roll of toilet paper.
And I'm supposed to be surprised that you got another concussion?
The entire time I'm blowing him she's in the back seat lecturing me on the reasons why you're not suppose to do that while they're driving...
Does peppermint hummus sound good or am I just high?
She said "I've been waiting to suck your cock since high school." I'm so glad so many freshmen are from our school.
The universe is cradling this hangover like a gay couple cradles their newly adopted chinese baby.
I don't care who you bring as long as they are fun and not a cop
I think it's getting serious, we started a jigsaw puzzle together.
BOOOOOOOOOOOO *takes away your hoe card*
He calculated like a serious conversion in his head the other day and got a crazy number and I was like damn that’s hot please proceed to take your clothes off.
You asked him if he would have sex with you under the dinosaur. He declined and then you started crying, blaming the sand.
Randomize
