my roommate and her friend got reaallllly high last night and it looks like they played scrabble. one of their words is "nippal"
Oh no, it isn't official until she poops.
im goin to the NYE party with a tuxedo painted on my body. i know a girl who does it. wanna join?
I hate girls that dress up to come to planned parenthood. I just want to be like we are all in the same boat here, we know your slutty. Its OK.
I wonder sometimes what your vagina thinks about you.
I went to his work to give him some blankets and ended up blowing him in the bathroom. See what happens when you don't come over?
two fat guys on crotch rockets just invited me to 'party' with them at a del taco. why does this keep happening to me?
For future reference, never invite the people you met at Dunkin Donuts at 2am to your house to watch Dogma
Um....sorry for hooking up with your brother last night...
Actually i take that back. You dropped the whiskey last night and broke the bottle. Were even
My god this is going to ruin whatever Vegas left of our souls...
Home safe. Took me everything not to stop and pick up some random cat that looked like an ocelot tho.
I just made a cocktail. Had one shot of vodka left. It looked lonely so I decided to reunite it with its vodka friends in my bloodstream.
Starting the day at 1:44 in the afternoon. With a hot pocket and a mixer. Who knew my life had this kind of possibility.
Some girl is sitting topless in the kitchen and having a Skype video chat with some guy. I already like it here.
My mom just drunk texted me complaining about her genitals smelling like Taco Bell. I really am her son
I legit measured his penis against my chapstick and it was too close to call. So that was my night.
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