We had sex in the bathroom. Then he told me I could watch him pee.
there is no excuse for him not showing up to my st. patrick's day party. i touch his dick. i get him on the high holidays.
he got everyone in a room, turned off the lights and started throwing knives at the wall. if you got hit, you had to drink...
Ya I painted "STOP TRYING ANAL" on her headboard. I'm sick of listening to her whine through the wall and bitch the next day.
Yes. I am getting trashed on an open tab while judging a karoke competition
Impressive. I approve.
Well good for him for getting your number before he told you he had no money and needed you to pay for his drink!
She was throwing my stuff away and then before I knew it she was sucking my dick. It was like some fucked up sour patch kids commercial
New York City is dangerous when the only bars you go to are the ones that have 'open' in front
Do you have any puffy paint? I want to put "fiesta muthafuckas" on my sombrero but its too much to bedazzle.
My cell phone fell out of my shirt pocket while tying my shoe on an escalator....which was followed by me being accused of trying to sneak an upskirt photo and being violently shoved down the top of the escalator. How's YOUR day?
I should get him a card "thanks for letting me use you for your penis on and off as I see fit and for being a nice guy. My boobs and I appreciate your loyalty and dedication"
Next time you have him paint you an outfit so you can do you walk the street naked TAKE A SHOWER BEFORE YOU GET IN THE BED. MY sheets look like like an acid trip
My sinuses still burn from snorting red wine last night.
I dunno. The drunker I get, the easier econ gets. I may be onto something here.
Birthday wine tasting got super shambly super quickly. I am covered in cuts/bruises/terrible life decisions.
Randomize
