yo i have your phone
... oh so you probably won't get this message
Getting food. Want anything?
Vagina. Double meat no buns. I have the secret sauce
oh my god im such an asshole. i just asked the guitarist of bad religion if he was a scalper.
Im in the beachers at wrigley listening to four lesbians debate the pros and cons of 2girls1cup. Success.
One of my students just said I have "big mommy parts". Even third graders know that my tits are too big. God I love em.
she said and I quote "NO SOUP FOR YOU!!!" and closed her legs.
At one point last night I over heard you say " I'm gonna puke in a bag and pour it down your throat" I LOVE YOU.
Who knows. I'd probably only get a makeout with an OTPHJ from her so the return on sexual investment from her isn't looking that great.
No dude, I'm not naming my kid after your beard
Explain why there's a meatball in my bong
well whats the tarot card for I'm totes going to be schlobbing his cob? because that's in his future.
Why does your life consist of lesbians, black guys and cats?
He says it takes a lot to subdue the urge to just bury his face in my vagina. Of course, I have absolutely no problem with this.
My hookup from last weekend apparently got arrested today... his roommate just tagged me on facebook asking for bail money.
I love millennial parents. One of the moms at the daycare center literally told me she and her husband named two of her kids after batman characters and one after game of thrones
Randomize
