sorry probably not gonna make it :( kinda tied up right now
sad face, r u gay?... wait like really tied up?
:)
Is it awkward that I've slept with every guy in this room?
Only if they know about it too.
I got to stop making out with my boss at work. I think we should just get it overwith, be dissaponted and move on.
sitting in an airport in detroit. just saw a commercial for detroit tourism with kid rock as a spokesman. reason # 1458 to never visit this city.
he got promoted. that means i have now given my new boss chlaymida. i need a new job.
you just kept yelling NO BUENO SENOR at the cashier and throwing coins at him, of course you were going to get kicked out of the grocery store
Of course I was flustered, I had a lot of penis in my face.
apparently i saved myself a memo last night titled "cake" and all it says is "i love it so much"
Hindsight is 20/20. Or a bladder infection.
I'm currently braless eating the balls of the penis cake and drinking warm champagne. I'm 3 cats away from crazy at this point
Dear future Eric, sorry about the Everclear. Sincerely, Eric +2 shots E.C.
After an hour of searching for my pants, we had three people looking. They were finally found in the oven.
What's the polite way to say "hey I don't actually want to fuck you, I just swiped right on you because you didn't like me in high school and I needed validation"
Actually we have similar relationship styles aka no relationship... it could work
He smells like sex and magic. I’m already naming our children
Maybe you should talk to him first
Randomize
