girl in front of me at starbucks just ordered 7 shots of espresso in her latte. welcome to finals week
Drunk man just did a hand stand, fell over, knocked over a whole table of desserts, and didnt lose his cowboy hat. winner.
My mom's mothers day present consisted of a card, chocolate and the rose bush I threw up in as I was getting in last night. She loved it.
you kind of just crawled on top of him. that was the point at which i became concerned with how drunk you were.
EMERGENCY: IS A KAREOKE RICKROLL ACCEPTABLE IN THE YEAR 2011?
Someone just took a shot from my crotch. I should not have to drive home
We used the solo cup bag for her hair tie. Desperate times call for desperate measures.
Better than road-head. Just got model-home-head. Also got a disapproving scowl of judgment from the realtor on the way out.
Imagine getting smashed in the dick by a basketball. A basketball made of metal. With spikes. That's pretty much what his dick looked like.
It wasn't so much a one night stand as much as one night she puked on my nightstand.
we gave you a glass of water and you just started yelling: TWO STRAWS, PATS AN ENGINEER HE'LL FIGURE IT OUT
Well yeah connect the two together, then you can lay down and drink.
The hardest part about being a child of divorce is when you're at your dad's house but your condoms are at your mom's house.
Someone somewhere has a picture of me vomiting in a bus stop trash can while a drag queen held my hair for me.
Pride claims another victim
How is it??
I'm drinking Gatorade out of a champagne flute.
She threw her burger out the car window last night. My vegan neighbors were not pleased but I’m pretty sure I saw a for sale sign go up on their lawn so I owe her one.
Randomize
