He ate me out. It was like watching him trying to win a pie eating contest
I can't belive they dont sell booze Sunday mornings. I mean some of us have to work
i was getting a blow-job tonight in the mens bathroom of a bar and the bouncer comes in and says "bro i don't mean to cock block but you cant do that here."
No i peed with you in the toilet. The guy I high fived was mid pee in front of the urinal
Running into your random closeted hookup from last night is really awkward when you have to sit next to him and his girlfriend in a 200 person class.
Yes. We drank 3/4 of a handle of vodka, fried and ate a 3lb package of bacon, I tackled the neighbors snowman, made snow angels in our underwear, and then fucked all night. Christmas success.
All I really remember is thinking that the music looked like beautiful lizard waves in my head
I don't know anybody that can get the cops to drive them back to the bar after being pulled out of a tree
it happenes
I never thought I would be saying these words but...when did David Spade get hot?
I'm kinda sad I'm leaving the bank. I never got to have rough sex in the vault.
Fun FACT Saturday: Semen is great for my acid reflux
Apparently I was directing traffic outside of Keeneland. Apparently I'm not a police officer. Who knew....
Either my apartment is haunted or I'm far more drunk than I thought
last night you made out with a 19 year old on a bar and i woke up with a swede in my bed. lets just say that never happened.
My cat is sitting in the window watching the neighbor's dogs doing it. I think she's lonely too.
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