i jhust puked up my retainher.
i wanna stay in my bed and fart for a few more hours
she's not even a shacker, she never made it inside. she's just a porch girl
dont you remember the bouncer yelling at you while you were trying to piss?
no. why was the bouncer in the bathroom?
he wasn't. neither were you.
For those pictures, I will suffer this headache.
Actions speak louder than pants.
I officially lit my glove on fire while lighting the bong. Winter needs to end.
Who was that guy I met at your brother's house who had to get stitches in his ass?
My roommate comes home screaming, I brought you home a friend! I thought she brought me a guy...no, she brought home a one-eyed shih tzu.
YOU WOULD BE SEEING ME. IN MY KITCHEN. BENDING OVER MY OVEN. MAKING YOU CAKE.
Wait, that's an option?
It was incredible. For as long as I live, I will gladly drop whatever I'm doing and spend a night with her face between my legs ANY time she asks.
I am decidedly straight, but I'll write it into my wedding vows if I have to.
WHY AM I CRAWLING IN OLDER MEN HOLY JESUS
I just woke and boke and made apple pancakes. I'm kicking Monday in the dick.
You bet your firm but soft ass I miss you
Will exercising make me less horny?
Randomize
