apparently i ate an entire bag of goldfish, kissed some guy with a girlfriend who now wants to kill me, made my sister sleep in my bed with me while i wore no pants, and told my whole family i am pregnant with jonny's devil baby...never drinking again
As a driver I hate pedestrians, and as a pedestrian I hate drivers, but no matter what the mode of transportation, I always hate cyclists.
Sometimes i wish my penis was detachable that way i could take it off sometimes so i wouldnt get into these situations
Dude, we took our shirts off and set our chest hair on fire. That's a low point.
You raise a valid concern
my wrists were so small for the handcuffs, i could slip them off and hand the tow truck driver my keys....
I just helped a group of highschool stoners find a safe place to smoke I feel like a responsible rolemodel
you can officially check off peeing off the 5th floor while shouting "I want to break the guinness world record for longest piss stream" off your college to do list.
Nothing quite like pre-gaming the Kentucky Derby with adderall and adderall. I'm fairly confident I could outrun all of these fucking horses in a foot race right now.
Omg no. We ate a raw pumpkin last nighr. We dipped it in BBQ sauce.
Okay. How did someone manage to piss on TOP of a urinal? What giant is roaming around with a prick five feet from the ground?
SHE SITS THERE LIKE A DICK LIKE AN ACTUAL DICK JUST LIMP AND DUMB AND BLAH
Your fuck buddy is making you watch the OC. I think that counts as strings attached.
She's going to be the first to die of too much illness. Not even super bad stuff like cancer but like for having a cold at the same time as a sore throat and chlamydia or something. Just too much diseases.
I just had sex a few hours ago now i'm eating frozen yogurt making sex plans for tonight while catching Pokémon. What a time to be alive.
DIBS on your mom for my beer pong partner.
Randomize
