I'm more concerned as to why he has a playlist entitled Dem Club Beats.
Totally just asked Dad if I needed to show the real estate guy my tits so he would let us buy the house. I've really got to work on that filtering thing.
just found a piece of pizza in my dresser.....i remember you saying you were going to save one for later so i'm assuming this is your doing
Sorry about bonging beers with your mom but in all fairness you were late...
I want her autograph on my taint
Reading old FB posts. Why did I ever stop drinking?
May or may not have just put tequila in my special "kids+" orange juice fortified with vitamins a, b, c, d, e, and now t.
He turned down head in favor of a handjob. Not sure if he's crazy or i have magic hands
I'm taking a pole dancing class this morning. Can I put you down as my emergency contact? I'm NOT putting my mother
We'll never be able to grow apart now. You can't look at a stranger & say "Yea I ate goldfish crackers off his dick." & just be casual about that.
We just saw two bitche in pink capris jazzercising down the road. On Thanksgiving.
I'm about to play another round of who's panties are in my car.
I told him I wish we were at my house cause then I could tell him to get out after we had sex.
She paid me 300 bucks to spank her and call her Baby Jane. Then we drank half a bottle of sippin whiskey. I'd call it a twelve out of ten.
On a scale of one to Harambe, how attached were you to your goldfish?
Randomize
