I stood up and a chip flew out of my shirt and landed in the chip dish. I just walked away.
so on my way home this naked dude runs right in front me his weiner at half mast screaming i'm only doing this cause its a 50 dollar dare
He was carrying a rolled up carpet saying he was saving it for tomorrow's Walk of Fame.
My dealer's mom died on christmas eve. Is it too soon to see if he's holding?
We fucked in your water heater closet. Told you we'd try everywhere.
will i regret this in the morrning? probably. but every decision is good during happy hour
im at work. we just had a random 14-year-old amish girl come in and gift us with cinnamon rolls as thanks for letting her use the bathroom. i dont even know.
You rode your bike four miles to my house. Yelled "I'm so high!" Then crashed into his car. It's a problem.
Dude, where are you?
In back
of car
... whose car?
I'm hungover laying in my moms bed watching Space Jam.. Adult Life..
It's important to establish I slept with her BEFORE we officially became cousins-in-law.
pretty sure I woke up to him jacking himself off IN MY BED
I woke up naked buried in snacks. Best night ever.
I want your cock. I also want to cuddle you and tell you how amazing you are, because you know balance.
I'm gunna wear a purple dress, so if you see someone looking confused and lost wearing purple it's probably me
Randomize
