I woke up to him trying to put his dick in my mouth. When I asked him what he was doing he said he was trying to make me stop snoring...
I just realized that I've become that person they make the alcohol warnings on medicine for.
I need to shower. I still have paint on me from the homeless guys
its totally unfair that im just as ill-prepared as a 16 year old but there's no tv show for 25 and pregnant.
Had to make a piece of abstract art. Your dick is in it
My mom just set up beer pong in the dining room for family game night. and you ask why I'm still living at home.
One reason I feel like garbage: Kraft single wine shots
About to go get a free burrito for kissing a bald man in public
We just got in a fight with grandma b/c she tried to tell us you didn't go hard.
And now I have a massive dip in and a Bloody Mary that would catch on fire if you put a flame close to it, with no pants on... At 8:15Am. Being single is pretty legit
It's 90 percent alcohol, and 10 percent a whisper that says "get drunk"
You know when your cat drags a dead bird into the the house as a present and drops it at your feet looking all pleased because it thinks you'll be pleased? That's what sex with him was like.
Haha do not judge my life style choices right now but me and Dj had sex twice and then he helped me pick an outfit out for my date
Have you ever been anal in a bush on the Vegas strip drunk?
I've got two reasons for you to come over later and one of them is pierced.
Randomize
