I woke up in a stranger's bathtub with a broken shower curtain as my blanket.
I just made this asian woman on the boardwalk that was giving 20 dollar massages upset after I asked her if a happy ending comes with it.
my Prof for my bio lab has his lab coat collar popped. it's 8 am and im too hungover for this guy
You know your in college when you use the receipt from the liquor store as a bookmark
Def regretting not writing "will blow for extra credit" on my last final
I'm sorry i ruined our friendship with a boner
Ahhh sometimes you just need a thermos of whiskey in the library
No. I heard a cover of "my heart will go on". This is not sanity.
I WILL PAPERCUT YOUR URETHRA YOU DO NOT STEAL A MANS SECOND BIG MAC
But once you explained how to fill cupcakes with semen I realize you were harmless and right on my level.
His dick was so bent it was like fucking captain hook's hand for 2 hours
How is it that 364 days a year I'm the adult, but on Halloween you completely forget how to have fun and become my grandma?
We went there specifically for you to break it off with him and I walk in on you two in the bathroom with his dick in your mouth
but he had pizza... so i win
I give up.
You got up in the middle of a sentence, puked, came out and poured another glass of wine and continued your story.
Well, not only did I find out the Top Knight has roof access, I also let a guy I just met eat me out on the roof. Seems like a lot of wins if you ask me.
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