90% of the problems in your life are directly related to your vagina
I swallowed and made him pancakes in the morning. I feel almost as desperate as Jennifer Aniston at this point.
I think one day, after evolution kicks in, my sons will thank me for having a 3rd ball. That's how much sex I'm having.
Bible prof is the guy I made out with at the gay bar on the fourth. He doesn't remember.
figured after she passed out and i threw up in her bed, morning sex would be pushing it.
She just made out with a golden retriever. I'm disgusted and turned on all at once
Can we just talk about how the only thing I have on my camera from this weekend is a video of you putting your whole fist in your mouth hahahha
it's not that I hate people, I just want to rip most of their faces off.
The guy at the rodeo just told me "if ya don't say none, ya don't get none". What the hell does that mean?
Im pretty sure you just got hit on by a gay cowboy.....
3 2 1 whiskey
How I know we're old. Don knows the owner. The owner said 'How about some shots?' We said no thanks. He looked puzzled and came back later and said 'You know it's on the house?' We said 'Yeah, no thanks.'
Don't be weirded out, but my bondage straps are made of my ex boyfriend's curtains
how do i act around someone who's shoes i puked in while naked and blackout?
If you fuck her..... You will be in great danger. Like in so much danger it would be like walking into a pit of crocodiles who haven't eaten and you also just stole their baby.
Never underestimate the power of titties
Randomize
