He started making shapes and faces with his cock and balls.... apparently if you wrap the shaft with your balls and turn it 90 degrees to the left it looks like a hamburger
So he didn't pull out. And I like flipped out. And the he told me to chill and opened up a drawer full of packs of Plan B and handed me one.......
can you come back were all locked out and alyssia's still inside passed out on the floor but more importantly i left a beer in there that's not finished
I just found a piece of glass in my ear from Saturday.
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In the last 3 months, I've slept with an ex,someone single, someone in a relationship, someone married, and someone divorced. I should get some type of grown up girl scouts badge.
Well I took a spicy wing shit in a field this morning.
Don't tell him that you hope he dies in a boring missionary position with his wife. That doesn't go over well.
They have beer where we have blood.
I just interrupted this girl giving a dude head in a parked car on the south side. Going down on your guy while you're parked in front of your house because you don't want your parents catching you is fine by me, just don't block the fire hydrant.
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Dude. I need you to practice dancing around in your banana hamock. Party boy style. I'll call later with details.
Goodnight Shia. Goodnight Moon.
No more bourbon. Sleep now. I may die. Pray for me.
- I'm finally learning to be functional when I'm high. I feel like this is a milestone.
Apparently the cops had to handcuff me in order to get me to come with to the hospital with them. They asked me if I had had any experience with handcuffs before and I replied, "Only in bed." What a life
I just had a morning three-some with marijuana and a detachable shower-head
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