I woke up to 'call me' written in red lipstick on my chest. Thats the hottest/sluttiest thing ever. I win at LIFE!
no. i just ate a whole thing of hot dogs. me and regret are sleepng alone tonigh.
Getting drunk now, but later remind me to tell you how to crash an 8th grade grad party.
my mom took me to a gay bar and went on and on about all her good times at clubs... i now know where i get it
I wonder if you can snort coke upside down
Remembering I sold my brand new Blackberry to a stranger for a few pints = Worst night of my life. Now to work out what I did with my shoes.
How am I?!! The turkey is dry as shit, I'm watching football in low def and there's no beer b/c everyone is in aa. Fuck giving thanks.
It's just good to know that when I drink like a twenty year old I still act like one.
I broke the girls bed. I will not apologize about bragging.
I'm not saying Tijuana was a bad idea, I'm saying that we make poor life choices. And Steve was robbed by the police.
How do I know if porn I have watched is haunted?
If it's up to me, I'll already have my pants on and walking out before he gets soft afterward.
He said he looked out his window and I was sitting in the grass with blood everywhere talking to a dog.
You literally asked him, “Do you come here often? Do you want to visit my vagina?” With no hesitation
Stupid Covid-19
The universal cock block of this decade
Randomize
