my boobs are a 3G dead zone. as soon as i take my phone out of my bra, it has a signal again.
According to my dad, my tongue ring makes people assume I give a lot of blow jobs because, as stated by him "that's what it's for"
so basically i'm the" little sister", he's the "big brother" and we just fucked
Getting up at 8 this morning to drink could be the best and the worst idea we've ever had
I like when I have the chance to say normal things like 'I know her from college' vs 'I did a ton of blow with her one night at Studio B.'
now that we've slept with the entire soccer team i think its time to expand the horizon.
She was kind of put off because I kept calling her baby my spirit animal and staring hungrily at her breasts.
I like how he had to correct himself in stating that I was the fat one in the threesome.
They flooded the bathroom and their version of cleaning it up was to throw our couch cushions on it. That's when I decided to chug tequila and go drunk bowling. So hitting the kid with my ball is really their fault.
Also, the greatest of ironies: I got shampoo confiscated by security while Corey managed to get pot through. MERICA!
i just googled coccaine effects on sexual performance..maybe im dating the wrong guy
dude ur drinkin a beer not ta capri sun. lose the straw
Get here now. There’s a guy dressed as Captain Morgan handing out miniature bottles of Captain Morgan.
Is texting an old booty call with "can you still get your ankles behind your ears?" an appropriate way to reemerge into the singles scene???
hey. this is your former cousin. you boned my best friend last night.
Randomize
