wtf he couldnt undo my bra, i asked him if it was his first time and he said "with a girl? yeah"
how drunk was i? i pretended i was getting a blowjob from a fuckin dolphin in front of my dad. thats how drunk i was.
A relator touring our house this week saw the picture in our bathroom of steven passed out, yellow faced, with BALLS on his forehead, and had to ask "if that kid was alive or dead".
Tostitos Scoops as shot glasses. Eat for chaser.
Hannah wants to know if she cant borrow your stats notes because she threw up on hers.
He burnt a smiley face into the screen with a cigarette, peed in my tub and then tried to take off his pants. tried...
I'm getting flash backs of last night. They're coming in song form.
You threw up? Were you ladylike while you did it? I'm wagering that you were. Like a Disney princess. Like a "Puke Me Pretty" Barbie.
One of us will probably end up wearing nothing but glow/ neon body paint and a pair of water wings...
And I am in no way ashamed to say that it will most likely be me. I'm hoping for it actually.
I've got beer and a bag of saltwater taffy and croutons, is that enough for this typhoon thing?
How was the party last night?
I'm dangerously close to shitting myself.
I want to tell everyone I've ever met about how he him picking me up and fucking me against the wall was the highlight of my life. Worst lesbian ever.
Yes. He better. Or I will shave a penis into his beard while he sleeps.
Do you remember coming over and asking for toast and then singing that yeah toast song very loudly while you were dropping my bread all over my kitchen?
just learned i can hear my fish chewing his food WHILE HES IN HIS BOWL. im going to have to call you back.
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