you kept spraying the cat with water and then telling it to "man up" when it cried
I just made $100 from people paying me not to get naked at the party... I need those P90X dvds
Do you think anyone has ever tried to have sex with a cows udder before?
You dont understand. she was my french AND spanish teacher. that's 2 kinds of freaky. i have to find her on facebook.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You sat there for 20minutes trying to seduce the picture of my dad.
When his Irish accent comes out my uterus hums. Or some productive organ down there, I'm not sure of the logistics
Thanks i'm proud of you and I'm proud of beer and vodka for making me drunk
We pretended the crowd cheering the Thunder's win was cheering for us while we had sex on the couch.
Tell him to dress up like Shaggy and kidnap him then bring him to me. We can pretend. Imaagination.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Life Lesson #1 of 2013: double-fisting shower beers and shaving my bikini line should be reserved for two different showers.
A gay dude just spanked me with a nicholas sparks novel and called me foxy. I'm putting this on my resume.
You thought there were zombies attacking us so you tried to tuck and roll out of a moving vehicle. Also you should consider wearing underwear
Def went to work still drunk... the only comment i got was good to see you drinking more water...
The best thing about last night is when drunk Lauren asked cop if she could smoke a joint in front of him. And next thing I remember she’s smoking weed with a cop. How awesome is that.
Once my new license was put into my hand, a light from the heavens shined down and pauly D's voice was in my mind saying ohh yeaaah 21 yeaaah
Randomize