Wow, you were right... Weed does start conversations
i might have gotten away with it if "don't tase me bro!" wasn't the first thing i said when i rolled down my window.
Drinking at work by myself... My boss just walked into me copying my face on the copy machine..
Welp. I just hopped out of his window to avoid meeting his parents... happy monday!
I'm not sure which one did it but one of them fucked the kink out of my neck
Will you please bring me a line of coke at work without asking questions?
I still don't know why you took that job... it sounds miserable
not having any beer money sounds even more miserable
If thou arrisest to consciousness before I, rise me to an office of alertness for occupations such as brunch. Warm Regards, your roommate.
Dave got tied up again. I'm done breaking into girls houses to cut him loose. At least before noon.
Based on the time of Sean's "I'm on your street" phone call last night, we had sex for an hour and a half. Man, time flies when you're getting boned to an orgasmic death.
Don't blame me. I told you I didn't know if I had a key to those hancuffs.
They were swingers. Real swingers. Thought it was going to be awesome until some fat guy tried to put my dick in his mouth.
When someone's woman crush wednesday is an ultrasound of her unborn daughter...
I can't
I have no concept of chastity or moderation, she is a Catholic guilt poster child, how could I not try to hit that
You lost to your mom AND grandma in beer pong last night. pretty sure that constitutes a retirement from the sport
Randomize
