he's a bartender at a gay strip club. maybe he can work his magic. with getting u in, not gay magic.
These hangoverless Sunday mornings are becoming too regular.
IS FOOTBALL GONNA SUCK HIS DICK? NO, IT IS NOT
i know this sounds kinda weird but his cock smelled like fabric softener. it was so refreshing.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
My roommate's all sad and is crying and the chick I want to bang is in the room and Nic Cage is on fire. What the fuck.
You were high and telling me you felt like Pinocchio and that fire was bad for wood.
our conversations pretty much only consist of the phrase 'fuck you'. and the sex is fantastic. we've got a great thing going here.
he broke off your car antennae to use as a walking stick before he smoked because he claimed to lack the facial strength needed to open his eyes when he's high
I just horrified a large group of people. Congrats on dating me.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I was dressed in monkey onesie serving people vodka jelly with a spoon...
My 19 year old brother just hooked up with his 45 year old cougar kindergarten teacher. These sorts of situations make me realize why the sorority girls call him Wondercock
He Dutch ovened me while I was hiding under the covers from his mom. Needless to say it did not end well.
He has a bathrroom scale in his room with an alarm attached to it so anything over 150 sets it off and in his drinking stupper he can make a run for it.
Come camping we have xanax and steaks
For not being a nurse or a sex worker I have seen an alarming amount of penises.
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