my elementary bus driver served me drinks last night. He hooked me up
Just saw a commercial bout this girl that lost 54 lbs on a taco bell diet. so thats my excuse.
I just want to apologize for screaming when I saw you the other day. It's just that you looked really gross and I was high.
we were shitfaced at work by 8pm. I had to stop myself from pouring vodka in everyone's cappuccino.
I love that the power of margaritas brought us back together.
I remember key bumps, porn and a mom in my bed. Sums up my day.
that is an amazing summary hahaha
I think these people may actually be nudists. You know it's bad when I feel uncomfortable.
The cop left me alone after I gave her my spare snow cone. It was a hot and humid day and that uniform looked stuffy. Yay stoner me for overindulging in icy treats.
I told you, she may have multiple personality disorder, but like in the most upbeat way possible.
He's perfect in every other way. Is buying him a cockring too forward or just honest?
You came in, yelled 'i am from the future' then puked all over the floor
I just had a mini meltdown cause I thought they forgot to put the cheese packet in my mac and cheese. I'm having an awful week.
I threw a lamp at you?
Yes, yes you did.
Awesome
My FIANCE just told me he thought you were the prettiest out of all my friends YOU WHORE
I had more orgasms than hours of sleep this weekend. I’m going to keep him around a while
Randomize
