I can tell how much and what I drank by my morning shits
Shes from jersey what did you expect her to say when you asked her if she did coke? Its like asking some1 from a third world country if they are hungry
I wish they had a home preganacy test, but for STDs
From now on, just let me go home. I'm tired of hooking up with your roommates... Including you.
Changed my mind. Wearing a dress. Casual, with a side of breasts.
What can I say, he stumbled upon the key to my heart: orgasms and mac 'n cheese.
When he left he said something to the effect of "well now that I've been used..." I think he may be on to me.
Idea for the cake. Joints for candles. Do it.
As I'm trying to leave her house she shushes me and puts my hand on her boob, then goes back to sleep. In like 30seconds. What the fuck.
No one wanted to hang out so vodka and I are hanging out
dude new orleans is fucking wild these two guys just performed dueling banjos except they were actually fighting with the banjos
You texted me a picture of some random naked guy. Did you lose your virginity?
A guy in a chewbacca suit just came up to me and asked me to buy him weed.
Her hot older sister walked in on us, looked me up and down, then stared straight at her and said "I call sloppy seconds on this one" then left. I'm still debating on how I feel about that.
My butthole is tingling. Must be the grapefruit juice
Randomize
