Texts From Last Night · Random Texts

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(810): View more from Michigan

I cannot believe you needed a note to remind yourself to ask me about the fourteen sleeping Mexicans.

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(210): View more from Texas

I don't think anyone has ever said "boy I'm glad I took those shots of everclear" when they wake up

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(352): View more from Florida

I seriously just caught my 15 year old little sister with a positive pregnancy test coming out of the bathroom. Honest to God.

(917): View more from New York City

I have a coat hanger and a baseball bat. Her choice.

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(413): View more from Massachusetts

In a world where you don't want your phone to pocket dial your parents at 2 in the morning while you're running around Florida shitfaced, Droid does.

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(305): View more from Florida

i keep seeing random pieces of my outfit all around town.

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(732): View more from New Jersey

its impossible for me to find something that fits my tits my muffin top and my ass all at the same time

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(570): View more from Pennsylvania

martini and pecan pie.. breakfast of champions.

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(716): View more from New York

The only thought that went through my head was "that would be an absolute disaster" so of course I said yes

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(925): View more from California

I'M OFFICIATING THIS WEDDING. HOLY SHIT.

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