here I sit at Southern Illinois' finest pubs and I thought I heard your laugh. I was sadly astonished to turn and find a midget cracking herself up reading the label on her can of chewing tobacco...
I just watched her pee in a trashcan, im still probably going to fuck her, what does that say about my standards
Why is there not a 'day after acid' genre. Or even a pandora station or something.
you left a paper here that says 'to do list' but it looks like you just wrote "drink a bunch of cough syrup and watch Who's the Boss" like 60 times
They flooded the bathroom and their version of cleaning it up was to throw our couch cushions on it. That's when I decided to chug tequila and go drunk bowling. So hitting the kid with my ball is really their fault.
He called himself Jesus all night but I'm not sure if that's his real name or not
Start warming up your vocal cords, because Fucking With The Windows Open season has arrived.
Just took plan b with my eggs and chai...homecoming got the best of me already
Well while you were being a dick I was taping back together a cougars broken heart
My purpose is to unleash drunk self on strangers, i believe as some terrifying icebreaker, otherwise i too would offer my driving services.
Well. I mean as excuses for running late go, 'losing track of time in the bathhouse' has gotta be up there on the top ten.
Also so weird my phone cracked after I repeatedly threw it at the ground as hard as possible
I currently hiding in an upside down garbage can please come find me
He hit me with his bagpipe
Isnt that against the lesbian handbook?
Good, but still not as good as the guy I banged in the ball crawl
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