I just spent twenty minutes with brandons dad explaining why head isnt typically considered sex...can we say awkward?
1 of the best things of being a business owner is I don't get fired for having sex in the office
bitch asked me if i cared if she kept her snuggie on while we had sex
hows the new call of duty?
I only had sex with the game case so far, but that part was awesome.
Sunscreen. In my vag. I hate summer sex.
You told the cashier at McDonald's not to smell the ones cause you had just got back from the strip club. Good deed.
Never thought I'd say this but the maple syrup flavored vodka probably wasn't our best idea
That Kevin guy is something else...His penis is fucking glorious. And he has a way with words. If he lived here I'd be the conductor of the fuck caboose. I mean literally I would never want to get off that thing.
Do you know that you can buy Cialis in Mexico? Best. Honeymoon. Ever.
I was drunk and on Craigslist.. The drunk-text offers people got must have been either horrifying or glorious
Every person I've ever had sex with is in Chipotle right now.
Double check your contract and see if it says anything about sleeping with your manager
Don’t fucking talk to that dude from monday!! Ethical consumption dude, don’t fuck shitty guys
He was calculating the number of ceiling tiles when I was on top it was fucking rain man.
All I know is I woke up in the back seat of my car, with the engine on, and my gps navigated to florida.
Randomize
