Im at strip club and am horny
I just ate 3 burrito supremes and a crunchwrap...can't feel feet...I think I have diabetes
Is it appropriate to get drunk, stand up at the wedding and make a toast to "the time the lovely bride asked me to come on her chest"?
our generation is not ready to get married
He said he loved me so I pretended not to hear it because I don't think "I love your penis" was the response he was looking for.
Don't make this awkward for me. Don't let your mom come near the bathroom. I can't meet your mom for the first time while I'm shitting. Dont make this awkward.
he was definitely TRYING to give me herpes.
just remembered spooning on the cardboard and confessing to each other we had the spins.
Sorry I don't make house calls. You wanna get blown you come over here. It's like rock paper scissors but vagina ALWAYS beats penis
I do remember telling her that I was about to pass out soon and then hiding my pants under my bed so she couldn't take my wallet even drunk I'm thinking ahead
Do you miss the park or do you miss us having sex in public?
Of all the things that can be stripped of me i'll be damned if it's my vanity
he yelled at me like a drill sergeant while I quickly tried to take off my pants
He played Harry Potter Fan Fiction videos to get me in the mood. He might be the one.
I'm so horny right now but I JUST put my fuckin lasagna in the oven
Yeah, oh and the story gets better. His friend was dressed as a christmas tree wrapped in twinkle lights and had to plug himself in the wall all night.
Randomize
