she was hot for a redneck and i dont look at teeth
A guy on the street just growled at me and said damnnnn. Sometimes it scares me how attractive i am.
There are not one, but two women wearing my boxers on the couch right now. You need to wake the fuck up.
you will always have a special place in my vag
who knew that if you vomit while skydiving the puke goes up towards the people that are behind you.
I wish the inside of the tampon box said "CONGRATULATIONS YOUR NOT A MOTHER!"
Her face is stuck to the frozen jager bottle. I think shes ok with it
How the hell did he get a boner in that type of situation?
I have to talk to myself and be all "you are NOT horny tonight"
all law school has taught me so far is how to fart quietly during lectures and how to out-argue the ice cream guy when he screws me out of extra toppings.
We have your weave and dirt in our room.
He legit watched "Cops" the entire time he was fingering me.
I need dunkaroos back in my life.
I didn’t not spend thanksgiving morning making out with him in a diner parking lot
Question: anytime during the past week did I drunk dial you and give you full permission to grab my boobs? Cus I know I said it I just don't remember who I said it to...
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