I just google mapped his house on satellite so i can really see how much money he has. Does that make me shallow?
I just paid $5 for a shot of el toro and the bartender wasn't even hot. Rock bottom.
just had to shower sitting down. i hope this isn't an indicator of how the rest of my week is going to go.
Just walked in and was handcuffed to a police woman. Fire fighter woman poured franzia down my throat. Aaaaand I just ate cookies off of Little Red Riding Hood's tits.
She just ended a sentence with "and he doesn't even mind my herpes..."
it's a "shave your legs in the cvs bathroom" kind of night
Is there a fine for having sex in the back of a zipcar?
i think he was starting go for a boob grab when we both realized the middle of a public tennis court wasn't the place
Me focusing on not shitting my pants is keeping me awake.
This guy on the bus keeps leaning over and sniffing my hair.
So please don't worry, but I need some help getting blood out of my drywall so I can get my security deposit back. I would not ask if the need was not great.
I don't particularly remember setting a firecracker off in my hand. No more tequila.
.... I'm on a random couch somewhere in Newark wrapped in a Lightning McQueen blanket
His weed is so good that I don't wanna risk loosing him as my weed man so I plan to keep him in the friend zone 😂
Went home with a guy last night with Taco Bell sauce in my hair and on my pants
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