Tell her to GTFO!!!!! JAI HO!!!!!
i hope kanye doesn't show up to patrick swayze's funeral. " i'll let you get back to your funeral in a minute...but michael jackson had the best death of the year. just sayinnn ".
saturday- my day is open, my legs are not. you in?
well apparently not.
I just had a Brazilian done for this guy. He's getting first-date sex whether he wants it or not.
My friend just ordered a beer and poured it on the floor in celebration of open bar night
Dont ask, hes out back rolling around in the yard freaking out. literally just had a 15 minute conversation, only word i could make out was "yellow"
I should have questioned it early on when they said bring beer and chocolate syrup
he drank all my beer while i was at work and passed out on my couch, when i got home he was out cold and my room mates pig was licking him. they seemed peaceful, so i took 20 bucks from his wallet and left again.
I convinced a German girl that I was born while my mom was water skiing and I preceded to barefoot ski behind her via the umbilical cord...
Please call us Steph is okay but missing phone wallet tooth
You're the only person not starstruck by him
Yes. That tends to happen after you regularly lick someone's balls.
Three of my exes and one of my exes' brothers have hit me up and it's only been a week. I hate semester break.
I'm pretty sure I just smoked a chunk of cat food. Thought it was something else. No reply needed.
He updated Facebook... "Got a new phone today." WHAT ABOUT THE FUCKING KID YOU HAD?!
I just want to get high and watch Dr. Pimple Popper.
Randomize
