Do u think she knows her nickname is the oompa loompa
I just punched cris angel in the balls. I have photos.
you had a panic attack, pissed yourself, and started crying. you never go above the kiddie level of my lil bros schools haunted house ever again.
round 2?
EVER.
i can hardly tell the difference between falling asleep and passing out anymore
my mom just called and warned me someone is trying to serve me, i feel like i'm playing an extreme game of hide and go seek these next weeks
You could say the cab driver was less than excited when we called his personal cell phone at 4am for directions back to our hotel after having blacked out at the club
We decided we needed a drinks fridge in our bathroom.
I think it says something about my life when I start picking up girls while im in rehab. And I don't think it's good.
This is how my night is going so far. The bartender bought our last two rounds and I'm chasing a bee around the bar with a foam bat.
Check 'smoke weed with our ihop waiter' off of our To-Do List
We smoked a blunt in a stall where a drag queen was fucking a bartender in the ass. So theres gonna be a second date :)
You'll be like the drunk Paul Bunyan someday with a giant grey cat
It's situations like these that make me climb out of windows
I'm going to need to invest in some knee pads if I keep having nights like tonight
Just fyi i'm now butt naked in a steam room smoking a bong in some guys house. i sense the weed penetrating my pores.
Randomize
