i'm pretty sure the devil's penis is california-shaped
Dude ur right that IS what a vagina looks like!
Do everybody a favor and GET LAID MORE.
mom asked me why i'm never sober at family events, i told her i learned it from her.
come on down! you are the next contestant on the night is drunk!
Sudden realization: I dumped him because he was too immature, yet I am the one who moved back into my parent's basement post-breakup.
No i'm not calming down the girl at white castle did not need to see the picture of my dick on your phone.
LSHMSFOAIDMT = laughing so hard my sombrero falls off and I drop my taco.
Last night was the first and hopefully last night I will ever sleep in a hotel bath tub. Sober mind you.
I'm not even gonna ask.
Blow job season was short but glorious.
I vaguely remember making out with some dude. Please tell me he had all of his teeth.
Leaves on the ground. Coffee in one hand and your man in my other. Lovely fall morning.
Sooo...you're driving 6 hours for free booze?
Don't judge me.
I don't know if I'm dying or this is just a mild inconvenience
Who else has a jello penis in their fridge?!
It's sunday night and I just went to the store to buy cookie dough and condoms, I'm so proud of myself.
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