I sent him a picture of my touching myself. He responded back "Your nails look really nice"
sticking your finger down your throat to make yourself throw up is bulimia, not morning sickness, so no, I don't think you're pregnant.
The Rock is playing the tooth fairy. I can't believe I used to smell what that man was cooking
i ran around the party telling everyone that my favorite sexual position was also the only position that made me queef...i kept calling it the "double edged sword"
he told me he had a problem with me going both ways. like what the fuck. what guy says that to a girl? goodbye planned threesomes...
Eventually evolution will just give us a better liver anyway, so our great great grandkids should THANK us for our binge drinking.
SLUTTIEST. 4TH. EVER.
I thought we agreed, no more super glueing action figures to my dick
He thought the strainer was a giant bowl to puke in.
Im sorry that my initial plan of you grabbing his dick didnt work out but Im glad you grabbed his heart
i think i need to institute a "if your dick has been in my mouth this year i get a xmas present" policy
I just need you to appreciate that this is the first time I've ever been cut off and it's at an airport bar in Philly before 1 o'clock in the afternoon.
We're listening to drake in the middle of the woods and smoking two joints at once...my life is complete.
Dude I just clenched/unclenched my hindquarters while looking in the mirror I have fucking talent
Why does 10AM Spanish always turn into a discussion about my sex life?
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