My RA just tried to write me up for having sex too loudly during quiet hours.
There are taser marks on me. Your face flashed before my eyes when i woke up and saw them.
I found a fried uncrustable on the table from last night.
He's going to regret telling me he doesn't care if i shave or not...
help me choose which girl to send myself boning to my girlfriend to make her want to break up
which one looks the most like her?
If i had 4 hands right now is have booze in 3 of them and my cock in the other all because you went to denver. just sayin.
Theme for your birthday? Beer olympics in S&M costumes? Sounds like a nice little saturday
I'm just saying; the box truck will cost less then dorms or rent, and we can always crash where the party is.
I literally stopped banging her when my ESPN app alerted me that the Spurs had won. That's how much I hate Lebron. I would rather watch him cry in the post game interviews than get it in
i got to his house for our first date at the same time as his dealer, so what I'm saying is I'm in love
He wrote on the bartenders notepad "phone?" So I wrote back "911"
then you dropped a clam in a draught beer like it was a drop shot and and started chugging as beer spewed all over your body.
How am i even supposed to meet his daughter? "Hi, Claire, I hear we have so much in common, like we both love your Dad and also we're almost the same age."
i had every intention of working out now im just drinking wine and thinking about taking nudes in my thigh high tube socks
All I did was call him a fucker when he took my pot. He didn't have to arrest me.
Randomize
