I wanna crawl in your skin and have dreams about Bobby Kennedy tonight.
If your still trying to figure out the moment I stopped caring; it was the point in which you said "I really wasn't sure whose baby it was"
I had a dream last night that I had sex with Abe Lincoln. I must stop watching the History Channel before I go to bed.
I have only been in this city 3 nights and there are already 4 bars I can never go back to again.
I turned down free cocaine. I both respect and regret and that decision.
I would describe it as pure and unadulterated shock, mixed with horror and a touch of nausea.
I'm going as either a recovering alcoholic, or as a guy who came to the party straight from work. Too literal?
Reunion weekend was a success. Had 3 ex's inside my vag. Hat trick!
He tried to reenact Braveheart's freedom scream but got tackled by his drunk roommate who thought he was yelling that the handle he was holding up was free.
I just got a job offer for Australia. Unfortunately I have given the name of Whitney
Being a slave to ur dick is exhausting.
Did you leave it the depths of Magic Mike's favorite banana hammock?
Twist bend and done? Jesus that sounds like a seventh grade hand job.
I don't know why this person would ask for help. It sounds pretty OK to me. Also, I'd steal those bagpipes.
you should come have a drink with me (non alcoholic or otherwise) im at the same bar as your sister and a few guys that would apparently "lick your butthole"-congratulations
Randomize
