Can I come over?
Can't... I'm at class right now.
No your not
I'm outside by your car.
I just met a guy from Australia at the bar. I asked him what it was like down under and he told me if I went home with him he'd let me find out. I love Australians.
Im drinking a beer thats called vuuve which is boobs in begian. I think my life is complete.
Just spun two beer bottles and Placed them in my pockets perfect... I feel like the clint eastwood of drunks
I just put a tampon in while driving. Don't tell me I don't got skills.
she was laying naked in the stream looking for "ribbays", which is apparently drunk for frogs.
i thought i'd fucked her to death. no lie. she just stopped moving.
ughh I puked about 4 times on metro, no one seems to like the cool design I made on my shirt
I didn't even have time to sit down and the nurse was like: ''You've been having unprotected sex.'' HOW DOES SHE KNOW?!?
I just realized I'm trading you a pregnancy test for the morning after pill...
It's been a bad semester.
tried doing a cartwheel after 10 beers. Guess who has a dislocated shoulder.
i was drinking at the bar last night with a guy with no bottom teeth, wearing zubas and a polka dotted hat. if that isn't the definition of wisconsin, i dont know what is
I woke up with his condom in my mouth. I actually use them now you should be proud of me.
Looks like it rained condoms in my room last night
Can you explain to me why I showed my boobs to the firemen to get free beer?
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