On friday while at the hotel bar by myself (creepy) I made friends w/ a millionaire who said he may be running for the position of mayor in richmond va (likely a lie). At one point during our discourse he asked if I was crazy. In the effort of full disclosure I looked him in the eye and said yes
I don't know what prompted his inquiry, clearly this man had impeccable intuition
How does everyone that never saw me naked know I'm built like a smurf?
I think he may have called me a bar rat, jokingly. I said i was but in a non-trashy way.
No. Do you know how much this carpet cost? If she comes over, you put down towels this time. i'm so not kidding.
How do people deal with hangovers? I literally want to eat my own face.
i understand you have values and thats awesome, all i want to help you do is forget about them breifly
no, throwing your underwear at it is not the solution to everything
She just hopped out of the car at a red light to pet the baby Jesus in the nativity scene.
Not worth it.
I'll do a soapy photo shoot for you in the shower. No loofas, though. Once you get one of those caught in your nipple ring, you never go back.
I just want to be naked all the time but not in a sexual, come-hither and look at my ass sort of way. In a slightly chubby yet not ashamed way as I eat Taco Bell and lay on soft fuzzy blankets.
It's so hard to fall asleep when I can hear your genitals smacking against hers. I hate you with all the love in my heart.
I just masturbated to the thought of him straight up talking to me. to us having a conversation. What the hell.
I didn't want to fight, I just wanted to tell you to fuckoff.
I'm making myself the patron saint of bisexuality
I'm not drinking for the rest of the week. I need discipline, celery, dick, and a bible.
Randomize
