Fun fact: when I ripped off my wristband, I punched myself in the face. Rad
my FASA form asked what i spent the majority of my 08 earnings on, im tempted to put "booze, blow, & blunts"
Um don't talk to me about fat. I just used my chip bag to cover up all my candy wrappers in the garbage.
You two kept repeating the same thing over and over. It was like looking after retarded pull-string dolls.
She kept saying "I'm going to hell" the entire time we were fucking. I really wasn't sure what to do... so I agreed with her.
That was definitely the right answer.
Why did my little sister call me from your phone this morning?
Things like this can't be explained over text man
I'm drunk in your building find me and we can have sex.
i know i shouldn't tell you this since i want you to really like me but i just spent the last 4 hours sleeping on the toilet.
Can we just talk about how awesome I am. I just slept with a new guy while listening to the previous guys bands cd.
I just pulled a seven inch black hair out of my ass. Pretty sure that means we're dating now
Just woke up to find that I'd left a stove burner on for the past 6 hours or so. I'm now banned from Ambien cooking.
He says the sweetest things but also that he wants to choke me when we fuck so it's kinda perfect.
You really need to stop getting injured so often it's really starting to negatively impact my sex life. Oh and get well soon. . . no seriously though hurry the fuck up.
Every dick I’ve had or wanted in the last year is married. It’s like I became a professional home wrecker after I graduated.
eveytime i go to his house my cute clothes always get taken off what's the point of even wearing them there?
Randomize
