just do it
fine only cuz shes asian
Party was cancelled. Me and my dog are high as tits. Wanna go roam the outlet mall?
Almost made out with Amanda but I told her "I'm in a committed fake lesbian relationship with Laura. I can't."
The empty keg landed on my head. It's a good thing we already got shitfaced or i'd be a vegetable and the humor would be completely lost.
I'm so confused as to where the sexual euphemisms end and the drinking starts
I feel like vibrating beds are just synonymous with venereal diseases.
i would stab him if he didn't just tell me he is a priest
It's always appealing to be able to say to someone "I banged your mom"
Fyi - we're going to be eating those sandwiches in bed when you get home.
I'm texting you know although you won't get this until you wake up. the only reason you are strapped to your bed is because you were trying to fly out your window.
hypothetically, what's the best method to remove an stray semen gob from a roommate's important school document?
Just stalked the girl I hooked up with last night's boyfriend. He seems nice, I approve.
I can't imagine a friend I would rather lose my virginity to in a threesome.
Yeah that was post sex. I was thinking in my mind, no wonder he didnt ask me to call him daddy since he actually is a dad
I'm drinking because I just started here and every single person I work with wants to quit and when I asked a coworker how she's doing she literally just started crying.
Randomize
