dude we were spooning naked in bed with her ass in my crotch. she sharted in her sleep all over my dick.
Relationship's official after skype sex--college kid at his finest.
Should I mail that cop his nightstick or just throw it away?
Home safe. Psyche shattered. Still rolling. In love with the morrocan rug in the living room.
He looked at my vag and said "you have a nice situation down there. Good work"
When I eventually hook up with a resident lets refer to it as taking a hands on approach to my job
Pretty sure I can show you the text you sent me stating some interest in my penis entering your mouth if said circumstances were met.
We sat in his closet and drank four loko out of my camelbak for an hour in the dark. You tell me how my night went.
He is just a personification of a vodka hangover.
Yes. Sex with questionable women, and made of potatoes.
Oh no, we smoked the revival weed. It came in a Batman bag. It hit like justice. And orphans.
The forecast for tonight is alcohol and low expectations.
You're the only meteorologist I listen to.
Everyone heard you scream that I was to be naked, in your bed in 5 minutes. We were one hell of a shitshow spectacle
I knew I wanted to marry her when we got in that bar fight and she full-nelsoned a guy while I worked his kidneys. I knew then we had to breed
well true... there's not a real discreet way to masturbate in public
Never go to your parents' super bowl party. I learned, in great detail, "Why Aunt Trisha is a hoe" Not enough beer on the eastern seaboard.
Randomize
