I swear he shrunk like 2 inches. Remind me that drunk sex needs to remain drunk sex.
I take back everything I said about communal showers
I see you felt the need to carve your name in my kitchen table. thanks
I was fingering her, she was moaning, and we were singing Mulan
I have a completly random but serious question. Can I make a paper mache mold of you ass and turn it into a pinata filled with airplane bottles of liquor? Its for my art class
my mom just left...time to break out that water bottle of wine that I sewed into my teddy bear
Prepare for tons of dick. I mean dick by the bucket loads. Waterfalls if cock.
Dude id rather jerk off w a fist full of bee's than deal with that girl that never stops talking.
I fill condoms, not promises.
Lets think Pancakes and sausages into existence
In light of this week's heat-wave, we are having a house vote tonight on the temporary suspension of the "no smoking indoors" clause. Please bring your voting cards to the living room at 6:30pm
Point of Clarification: by "voting card" we mean a full beer and/or shots
Thats why you dont have a "jubilant gunfire celebration"
Last year you twerked on my Christmas tree and threw up all over the bathroom...in front of my parents. We should probably keep power hour to ONLY an hour this year
somehow a ride to walgreens turned into a threesome.
The cat just brought me a bottle opener. I think she's my soulmate.
I'd ask how but then you'd tell me.
Randomize
